unexpected
Anyway, this book was given to me as a birthday gift from someone who used to be a good friend...kind of. We met in high school. The first year of school, I was shit scared of her. She was taller than anyone else and always had a frown on her face. She intimidated me more than Lex Luther would...if I ever had the chance of meeting him. After a year of thinking I had the best friends in the world, I was kicked out of the my group for something stupid like refusing to wear a g-string. I was a loner. For maybe six months, I sat in the library during lunch and read Nancy Drew and studied a map of the world from like 1784. One day, J, the scary girl, came and asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I thought from that day on, I will be a good friend to her.
To cut along story short, over a period of 4 years, J became an extremely complicated and selfish person. She took advantage of people who loved her and eventually pushed all her friends away. She needed help that we couldn't give to her as friends, as much as we tried. She insulted and offended us daily. We soon drifted apart. A few years of ups and definate downs passed and for one birthday, I got a package. This book on Man Ray. I have only now just looked on the inside cover.
It reads:
"I'm starting over and I think everyone should have a friend named Tina. Sorry for the hysterics, sorry for taking you for granted. I hope you can think of me as I actually am - and not as I am when things overwhelm me. Love J"
I feel like I hardly knew her apart from that day in the library. I tried to be there for her but eventually couldn't take being a 'vent-friend' much longer. Maybe I was the selfish one, not taking enough time for her. I no longer speak to her. I sometimes feel awful pangs of guilt for not being the friend she thought I was.
posted by one word letters at 9:47 PM
5 Comments:
It's your tattoo!
Tina, J was the horribly selfish one. You don't realise it, but one of the biggest reasons you're my best friend is because you accept people for who they are, not what they should be -- we wouldn't be friends if that weren't the case. You are one of the most selfless, most generous, most caring women I have ever known.
Please don't feel guilt because you couldn't pick up the pieces for J. You're so much better than that.
I love you.
Oh, I love you too. Thanks for the words of reassurance. I thought being friends with someone would be easy if they wanted to be your friend...if that makes any sense. I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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That's a great story. Waiting for more. »
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