little one...

This is a special little post for my best friend as it is her 21st birthday today! Last birthday I spent with her was her 16th. We feasted on KFC. Soon after, she sort of disappeared from our lives but never from mine. I am still learning things about her and she knows almost everything about me...even the fact that I actually feared for her life when she was stung by a bee. I have such admiration for this woman - who has definately conquered everything she's come to and seen. She is wise beyond her years and has never failed in giving me useful advice. Happy birthday Rino. I love you and miss you lots. I hope you have a wonderful day and an awesome weekend. I'd give some fat off my arse to hang out with you friday night. Will try very hard to come down soon - Damo and I send a big ol' hug. You're the best. Love Tino.

there was this painting

At the wedding reception, there were all these paintings of people sitting outside having coffee - maybe 7 in total hanging up. There was this one that sort of stood out and was the topic conversation through the whole night - well, at the kids' table anyway. I wish I had taken a picture of it because it told so many stories and you ended up feeling bad or angry at the characters in the painting. Generally, it was of two women sitting at a table outside, backs facing to us, their faces towards a forest. The thing was, in between the well dressed women sitting down and the forest, stood another woman. She was dressed in a grey tracksuit and looked quite disheveled and was looking straight towards the women sitting having a drink. Many explainations rose in the defense of this strange, unkept woman in the grey tracksuit.

V (sister) says - The woman in the grey has just found out her husband is cheating on her with one of these women and is about to confront them with the news of infidelity.

C (V's boyfriend) says - Perhaps she is merely jogging by and stops to ponder whether or not she wants a coffee too...

O (sister) says - The women sitting down are meant to be the woman in grey's best friends. While on her morning walk, she sees that her best friends are having coffee without her and stops for a mini teary before confronting them about their lack of invitation.

L (brother) and Damo say - These two joined forces and came up with the most malicious explaination. NB The lady in grey's arm and hand was hidden behind a coffee cup. They say that this lady has been on a rampage - resting each night in a nearby reserve. She is a mad gunman - ready to kill because she was betrayed by her family - having been sent to her slow and painful death in a home. She's mad at the world and is tracking down all involved with the shipping her off to a retirement home...for the ultimate ending.

I say - She got lost along the way of her morning jog - she is getting older afterall. And has emerged from the bush - Mr Burns "I Bring You LOVE" style - These women are the first she sees for weeks maybe and is amazed at her own survival skills.
Either that or she isn't allowed into the country club to dine with her "friends" because of her extreme casual wear - and is looking on from the outskirts of the club grounds in envy.

Anyway, I'm trying to sign on for classes for uni, but the fucking website is down which is complete shit. I got up extra early in the freezing cold for no fucking reason.

that dreaded wedding

Damien's head was once drenched in citronella oil.

My uncle's wedding started at 11:05am on a sunny Saturday morning. Bizzare time, I know. The botanical gardens at Mt Coot tha are lovely, however extremely boring unless you have the brain of a three year old or a really enthusiastic botanist. So we (boyfriend Damo, brother and little sister in tow) waited near a comically spikey tree, which originated in either Argentina or Peru for other guests to arrive.

An aunt I have not spoken to since I was seven turns up, looking gaunt as shit with her three children, of which two I never knew existed. They were loud, obnoxious, rude and dressed in terrible dresses - talking through the whole ceremony. My parents later forced me to say hello. I didn't, my excuse being I can't walk anywhere because the ground was damp and I was wearing 4 inch heels.

My Uncle J, who was getting married looked wonderful, although older than I remember (he's been living in Japan for the past 7 years - recently bought a farm in Nth Queensland) and his new wife looked stunning, having dressed herself, done her own hair and make up and only flown from Japan three days prior. I love this woman like a sister and I am extremely pleased she is now officially my Aunt R.

My Uncle D was there, drunk already. He spent the whole morning telling jokes. And complaining about my complaining. And touching peculiar leaves. Peculiar.

My Aunt T came in a really ugly dress. Her son played on his gameboy the whole time. She re-dressed my poor mother before arriving, who had spent $280 on a new dress, shoes and a bag only to have these sit on the end of a bed back home. My mum looked sad and uncomfortable. And often voiced loudly how much she hated what she was wearing and couldn't wait to get home to "take these stupid things off".

Ceremony was short. Took many photos. Ate some cake. Got stuck in grass. Almost tripped over a little kid who thought the wedding was there for his entertainment. Went to lunch on Park Rd with sisters, brother, boyfriend and sister's boyfriend. Went home. Slept for 4 hours. Got ready for the party. Left for the Sofitel for the party.

My mother made me say hello to all the relatives I actually really hate. How convenient that they were all seated at the same table. She was walking behind me with her purse firmly placed on my back...as if she had concealed a gun in there. So I say hello. They smile but don't say anything. Fucking rude bastards. Although, this reminded me of why I hated them so much. For no good reason, they shut us out of their lives. Big loss - a couple of ladies who care more about getting a free feed than their own pets and an odd eastern european man (who I so fondly called Uncle S for 7 years) who likes to pat waiters on the arse.

Buffet was great. I love buffets. Love them. Best concept - all you can eat. There's no fucking limit! It's fucking fantastic! And there was a giant chocolate fondue. Which Damien insisted on calling a FUNdoo! all night.

So in conclusion, I am happy for my Uncle J and newly Aunt R, I hate the petty people of the world and I love Buffets.

lonely and...

without a car. On Easter morning, I was on my way to meet my family for mass. I was driving behind an old lady...a very stupid old lady. We were entering the car park when suddenly, she decides the car park is actually full and reverses her car right into the nose of mine (insert my most favourite sound in the world *crash*).

"Oh dear!" she says as she climbs out of her car.
"Oh for fuck's sake" I say as I climb out of my car. I continue "Did you not see me?".
She says "Well, yes...Happy Easter." while assessing my car.
"OK...maybe we should quickly exchange details so we are not late for the Easter service." I say.
She says "Oh well, yes alright. You're not going to make me pay for all the damage are you? You were driving behind me."
"Well, I don't see how any of this is my fault. You reversed without looking back. It is 9am. The sun is out and there is no reason for you not to have seen me there."
"Um, I will give you my details...but don't contact me for a couple of weeks - I will be visiting family. Please don't charge me. It's Easter."
"Look, I will get the car professionally assessed and I will let you know. Good day."

So a couple of weeks pass and I write to her saying the cost of the damage is $604 in total and that she will be hearing from my insurance company in the near future - this is just a notification that yes, there is damage, and yes, I am charging you. Stupid git.

Long story short - her insurance company will not payout anything more than $92.65 and that to me sounds like bullshit. Their reasoning being that extra $500 damage caused was from a previous accident. I know that is bullshit. Yes, I admit I have had a previous accident. But I did not pay $1800 to get my car fixed by some dodgy guy named Rico behind some railway station. Very. Pissed. Right. Now.

So, here I am, at home, without a car. Feeling very lonely and lazy. I desperately need a Coke, but am too fucked from lack of sleep to walk to the store to get some. I currently have a massive urge to bake - and again, am too arsed to get up and do it. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not ususally an angry person. But, I am entitled to a rant every now and again. I apologise and I assure you, after this weekend, I will be as pleasant as pie.

brain is dead

My mind has been in a state of suspension recently. I cannot pull a full complete thought out of my poor little brain. This could be because I am in a finacial pickle, or because I am bored with what I am doing; or simply, because I have been overloading my body with alcohol and nicotine. I can sit in the one spot and watch people walk by without a thought in my head. I cannot sleep because I lie there without a thought in my head. I cannot have a decent conversation becuase I sit there with my mouth open and my eyes glazed...without a thought in my head. I feel sorry for the poeple who have to deal with me everyday because for the past couple of weeks, I have been non responsive, lazy and (to the other end of the scale) aggressive.

Any suggestions to jump start my brain??

not in a good mood

I'm sure we've all heard that there have been several explosions in London. Let's keep all involved in mind. I'm actually rather pissed at the media for pushing certain victims to recall the events literally minutes after walking out of The Tube. These people are obviously in shock, bleeding in front of the stupid gits and would probably want to contact their families, rather than being pushed to answer questions that may be quite difficult for them to answer given the current situation. I'm sorry, but things of this nature really give me the shits.

I must apologise - I'm not in a happy mood at all. A friend of mine has spent the whole of today bitching to me about all the negative things in her life. Things such as having to pay rent, that girl's haircut, her housemate's girlfriend, her sister, my other friends, my boyfriend, the way her entertainment unit is built, the cost of a coffee. Get the fuck over it. I'm getting a little too old to listen to her bitch over petty shit and not see the wrong in what she says behind people's backs. Grow up - we are not 13 anymore and I see no reason why I should support you in your path of mental destruction on others. Please, someone tell me this ain't cool...

My uncle's wedding is getting closer. Not wanting to go - but I did buy my first pair of discount shoes for the occassion. And my beautiful mum has offered to pay for me to get a haircut...And I've been put in charge of arranging flowers. This excites me a little. Damo says he won't dance with me because he can't. I believe him, but it would be nice if he asked...hint hint...I'll be waiting.

I got results back from the semester exams just gone. Failed Accounting once again - not because I find it difficult - but because I see no purpose in it. I did well in my other classes...which only means I'm getting closer to graduating. Which means I have to grow up myself. Shit.

going broke has come to a stop

I finally got a job that I know I will thoroughly enjoy. Selling expensive shoes. Yes, I know there is a chance that I will be dealing with smelly feet, old rich ladies who think I love kneeling down before them...but anyone who knows me, knows that I have the highest respect for a well made shoe. I am a self confessed shoe, handbag and belt freak, among many other things. Anyway, I'm super excited because I will be starting in a brand new store - with a brand new team of people. I will not be treading on anyone's territory and I won't have to suss out who likes who and who hates who. The store opens on the 29th of this month - so be excited for me because I have until now, been unemployed since February, main reason being, I had a birthday. Assholes.

I have a family wedding to attend in two weeks. This will be the first time my extended family - on my dad's side would have met my boyfriend of four years - Damo. I am feeling a little apprehensive because they are all jerks who don't deserve anything more than the bare essentials. My dad's family (with the exception of maybe two of them) are the most rude, selfish and deceiving people one will ever meet. I have not made this a mystery to anyone. My grandmother passed away when I was seven, and ever since then, there has been bitching, stealing and certainly a shitload of backstabbing in my family. My parents - I am biased I know, but - are generous, honest people who will give up anything for someone else to have a better life. I wonder sometimes what the fuck happened - my dad and my uncle Joseph are genuine, kind-hearted people and the rest of them are complete dicks who have no sense of respect, self discipline or gratitude.

Back to the wedding...my mother has kindly requested that my sister and I be civil for one whole day. Don't know if that will happen. I mean, unless I constantly have a drink in my hand, a full plate in front of me or if Damo finally after 4 years asks me to dance, I will not smile politely. Seeing my parents are paying for the wedding and the reception, I will make it known that this is the last time they will mooch. The last time, I tell you...Mooch No More.

Bottom line is...I really dislike them, I don't want to expose Damo to the fakeness that is my aunts and uncles, I am going to get trashed at this wedding and please screw me up the arse with a fluro light if I intiate any conversation. Ugh...glad to get that out. Will update on the wedding, but this is the first and will be the last time I bitch about these people. I will not waste my time or stress my finger muscles typing about it. Sorry, it was really shitting me.

I am currently thinking of taking a few cooking courses. Did one in Bangkok earlier this year - had the time of my life but can't remember how to cook shit. Almost finished a business degree but have no idea how I'm going to get from a kid who knows how to write an assignment to a chef with my own restaurant - with a lot of travel and baby-making-practice in between. I feel like I'm floating aimlessly. Like I'm in the middle of a 'Life-Fart'.

let me explain

So maybe, someone has questioned the title of this blog...no? Let me tell you anyway. In high school, a very dear friend of mine, Rinna and I had a very boring class called Multi-Strand Science. Now on days were we weren't required to inspect our hairs (snot and dead skin was optional) under a microscope, or change spark plugs in a car, or make rose petal soap, we would fill the hour with something we came across accidentally. Something we later named "One Word Letters". Unfortunately, these letters went to someone who used to be a good friend, whom we later found out was completely selfish in all that she ever did.

I am not sure how we started this thing, but it has always been the one thing that we had - and noone else dared to imitate it. The deal was, we decided who the letter would address, then one of us would begin by writing one word. The next person would add a word and the first person would add another, and so on, and so on. The topic was never discussed. So an example sentence would be something like..."Dear Spaceman, This juice poo wants pants for general burning. Lots of blinking, R & T". It may not seem as funny now...well, no. It actually doesn't seem funny now at all. But the point is, it amused me for so long - even after Rinna left me to rot in high school. I missed her so much - I tried to replicate these one word letters alone. Yeah - I'm an idiot. But I really didn't want anyone else doing it with me. Maybe one day, I'll get a hold of one and post it. But I highly doubt it.

Now for something even less relevant, Damo and I are steadily approaching our fourth anniversary...not sure what to do or what to get him. Will tell you all about him soon enough...once I figure out what's so interesting about him. Traditionally, one gives another Fruit or Flowers for the 4th anniversary. Hmmm...not sure how a floral arrangement/fruit basket will go down with this fellow.

Feeling fuzzy and cold...Tina