itchy palms?

I found myself sitting in an empty bathtub this morning. Reading recipe books. Fully clothed. I felt like it. And my bathtub is quite comfortable.

I talked my brother into making five baked potatoes for his lunch. He thoroughly enjoyed them.

They were small potatoes. About the size of my brain today.

oh what a night...

Late December back in '63
What a very special time for me
What a lady
What a night!

I had a mighty fine time the night of October the 18th. I went with Damo to see the Hives at the Tivoli and I think it was close to being the best fucking time I've ever had. We drank, I sang, I danced, we pigged out on New York pizza, we saw this awesome guy plucked straight from the 80's. He was roller skating down Ann St in the Valley. He wore crazy red and white Where's Wally-ish thigh high socks, gold hot pants, a fabulous bomber jacket and...wait for it...he was carrying a fucking boom box on his shoulder. This thing would have been twice the size of his torso and he had it up on one puny little shoulder.

That's all I have to say about that. Because today is the 29th October.

Melbourne Cup is fast approaching and I am finding myself fighting the temptation to go stand in the sun in silly hats and sip champagne all day. Although I did find a beautiful 'Where on Earth is Carmen SanDiego'- esque hat.

I like to go to the horse races. Not only because I like to dress up, not because I love to get drunk, not because Damo makes an effort to look absolutely smashingly handsome and not because I am almost addicted to gambling...But I absolutely love visiting the stables. Yes, I think I am still that seven year old girl with posters of Mariah Carey, dolphins and New Kids on the Block up on her wall. I love horses. I always will. I wish I could talk to them. I'm serious. I probably never should have said that.

So, I will say this...I also like getting drunk at 10 in the morning.

Also, a big happy birthday to Damo, Ria and Brydie...Oh and Cat - just in case you're out floating in cyber space today.

unexpected

I was reading through a few of my books this afternoon after work and I came across one of my most precious - a small collection of Man Ray pieces. I am completely mesmerized by these photographs. Each time I see one, even though I have seen it a hundred times, I am so utterly taken by it.

Anyway, this book was given to me as a birthday gift from someone who used to be a good friend...kind of. We met in high school. The first year of school, I was shit scared of her. She was taller than anyone else and always had a frown on her face. She intimidated me more than Lex Luther would...if I ever had the chance of meeting him. After a year of thinking I had the best friends in the world, I was kicked out of the my group for something stupid like refusing to wear a g-string. I was a loner. For maybe six months, I sat in the library during lunch and read Nancy Drew and studied a map of the world from like 1784. One day, J, the scary girl, came and asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I thought from that day on, I will be a good friend to her.

To cut along story short, over a period of 4 years, J became an extremely complicated and selfish person. She took advantage of people who loved her and eventually pushed all her friends away. She needed help that we couldn't give to her as friends, as much as we tried. She insulted and offended us daily. We soon drifted apart. A few years of ups and definate downs passed and for one birthday, I got a package. This book on Man Ray. I have only now just looked on the inside cover.

It reads:

"I'm starting over and I think everyone should have a friend named Tina. Sorry for the hysterics, sorry for taking you for granted. I hope you can think of me as I actually am - and not as I am when things overwhelm me. Love J"

I feel like I hardly knew her apart from that day in the library. I tried to be there for her but eventually couldn't take being a 'vent-friend' much longer. Maybe I was the selfish one, not taking enough time for her. I no longer speak to her. I sometimes feel awful pangs of guilt for not being the friend she thought I was.

I love being young.

Tina: Do you love me?
T: Of course I do.
Tina: I apologise for spilling your drink.
T: It's ok Tina Tina. You fell off your stool. I think you got the shitty end of the stick there.
Tina: Yeah. My knees are tender.
T: Carpet burn's a bitch.
Tina: Only to me.

I just had the best weekend. From Friday morning to Sunday night, I had 2 hours sleep. I went to the beach twice and drank crazy amounts of bourbon. I love being young.

Thursday just gone, Damo and I decided to take a break from each other. It is a good decision to have made because it just is. I still love him but it has been extremely frustrating lately with the slow deterioration of communication.

So I took this weekend as an opportunity to be independent of him. I experimented and decided to do the things we would usually do, alone. This is how it went...

Friday: Worked 10 - 6pm. Was invited to B's 21st so got a lift with Damo. But spent the night catching up with old school friends while Damo had a lovely time drinking and talking with BC, a mutual friend. Got home at 4am and had to get up at 5am for my day's exercise.

Saturday: Left for the coast with my dad at 7. He had to go on business and I went to shop. It was marvellous. Got home at 4 and had to meet B at Indro station at 6. Got ready and headed out. On zero hours of sleep. From 7.30pm til 12am, I danced and skanked to Reel Big Fish and Goldfinger. After the concert, I met up with a couple of uni friends. We drank and danced and fell off stools, peed in the company of each other, drank, fell down stairs and had breakfast.

On my way to breakfast, I was walking with T. Out of nowhere, he says "I'd tap you". I say "TAP?!? Geez...haven't heard that in...EVER. You're a drunk loser but thanks.". He says "But I'm not going to. Cause I'd rather know you for the rest of my life and do this every Saturday night than be with you for two minutes and think 'That was awesome.'" I said "Is that how long it'd take?". And we continued to walk in silence to the cafe.

Sunday: I couldn't resist a lazy afternoon with Damo so we met up for a hot white chocolate and then went back to his place, spending the rest of the day watching DVDs.

It was a grand weekend and I wouln't have changed it one bit. As selfish as it may sound, I had the best of both worlds in the past three days. I partied hard with someone I am extremely attracted to and I lazed about with someone I love.