A drunken thought...

Does anyone else think the Airbus looks like a fucking huge dugong?

Hurrah...?

I'm graduating.

After four years of university, I am graduating. It is meant to be a huge thing right? I didn't know this information until two days ago.

I have crapped my pants before. But I have never been so nervous or shocked to actually feel like there is a possibility there will be a turd present in my knickers (one of the few pairs I have left).

What the fuck am I meant to do? OK, I may not be graduating. It has not been confirmed. I don't want to confirm it. I like having that power. I like being a uni student. It gives me a reason to not spend my precious money and it gives me a reason to escape certain situations and people ("I've got this HUGE assignment I need to finish").

But if I were to, am I meant to get a mundane, boring, black white and grey office job? No offence to those who do work in offices...but I can't for the moment say anything to comfort you.

My parents don't know, my ex boyfriend (wow that's really strange to say) doesn't really get how big it is. My sisters and brother don't know. Three of my friends know. I don't know if I want to tell the rest of them. I am quite happy wearing the cap and gown for noone to see. I think though if someone does see me in the cap and gown, they will expect big things...or even medium things from me. But I will never be able to fill anyone's expectations. Not in the next three years at least.

What to do? Maybe I should not fill the forms. Maybe I should just drop out so my parents aren't disppointed with the dismal GPA. Maybe I should just roll right onto an upright knife and end this shit once and for all. Or maybe I will fill out the forms. I can take life mintute by minute. Totally disregard my five year plan. Then I could just become one of those full time retail people who don't know when to stop talking in their high pitched, degreading retail voices.

What to do indeed. Right now, getting really drunk is good.

The End

I did it. It’s over.

I’ve lost underwear, two friends and one lover in one week.

There is a knicker thief in my neighbourhood. I'm missing six pairs.

I broke up with dear D, my boyfriend and best friend of four years, two months and twenty-nine days.

I did not RSVP to J’s party invitation.

I won’t ever have to pretend I’m listening to the woes of J’s life. I don’t have to come visit her little unit with her half dead plants and her crazy housemate who is constantly wearing a jumper no matter what temperature it is.

I am a strong believer in destiny...what's meant to be will be (and all that crap)...I will not say this break up is for good, but I will say that I do not want him now. Not too clear on any other day, but most definately not now.

I am relieved when I think, I won’t ever have to make up excuses just to see him. I won’t have to feel disappointed once I do see him and realise that he doesn’t realise I’m there. I won’t have to be ready to leave at all times…just in case he calls.

I wish I could eradicate his scent from my bed, car, clothes and skin.

I hope someone comes along to steal my heart. I hope they are honest and will keep the promise to look after it. No I don't. I...hope for it eventually.

I’m scared shitless of being alone. Although it is probably the only thing I need right now.