one word letters

My life revolves around...

2006-02-17T12:52:00.000+10:00

Sex, power and shit. In that order. Let me explain how.

My life revolves around sex because...I love sex. Currently deciding whether I want a good old bang or love making. Hot sexy week away at the beautiful sunshine coast is coming up. Will hopefully have so much rompy pompy I won't have to think about it for weeks. Oh, and isn't it the purpose of life? To have sex then have babies?

My life revolves around power. I've come to a realisation that I like to be powerful in what I do. I do this by organising other people. If people live the way I live or work the way I work, then, I will never be confused, therefore, it seems as if I know everything. A bad habit...or a good one? Not quite sure yet. Have organised everyone at work. Plus two other stores. I have organised two houses and have successfully re-written every filing cabinet label, within these vacinities, in my hand-writing. Ah, accomplishment.

My life revolves around shit. I have come to this conclusion because in the last few weeks, no matter who I am with, the conversation always comes back to poop.

Examples are as follows...

Out with uni friends:
"Did you want another drink?"
"Did you ask me if I wanted to take a shit?!"
"No, did you need a drink?"
"Yeah but not now."
"Why? Do you need to take a shit?"
"No. Yes."

Dinner conversation with old friends:
"So, how much are you leaving me in your will?"
"Hey wait, I have a better question..."
"What?"
"If it were up to you to save my life, would you if the only way of doing so was to eat my poo?"
"How much are we talking here?"
"Just a nugget..."
"Um..."

Waking up in the morning after a big night out:
"D, why don't I ever hear you fart in the morning?"

Receiving messages at 8:45am that read:
"This morning: 7 - large bowl of all bran... 715 - baked beans... 750 - toilet... 815 - skinny latte... at present - staff toilet."

I love being friends with people with unhealthy minds.

Three things your life revolves around? Please, enlighten me so I don't feel like such a perverted obsessive compulsive.

Seasons Greetings

2005-12-25T21:39:00.000+10:00

Happy Holidays everyone!

I apologise for my absence but I think I have good reason.

In the past couple of months I have...

-Discovered I am not eligible to gradute. This is due to my previous lack of attempts to study (Please see any of my other posts as they were probably written when I'm meant to be in class). I have had to plead my case, which made me feel like I have committed some crime. All was successful though and I am allowed to re-enrol into my class of choice.

-Spent over $3500 on other people. This has sent me into a downward spiral of self pity and hunger.

-Fought with a friend. Mainly over drunken comments directed at their apparent lack of man-undie fillers. Sorry. I'm sure your penis is so huge you have to get your panties specially tailored.

-Had up to 45 hours a week for work. I hate shoppers and I hate my retail voice. It makes me want to shove a stick-blender down my throat.

-Cut my finger open on a nail. I cried and I even called my dad from work to get some sympathy. It failed.

Anyway, I just wanted to get everyone up to speed with my eventful life. Hope all have a safe and satisfying holiday.

Enjoy the food, drink and company.

A drunken thought...

2005-11-15T21:09:00.000+10:00

Does anyone else think the Airbus looks like a fucking huge dugong?

Hurrah...?

2005-11-15T20:02:00.000+10:00

I'm graduating.

After four years of university, I am graduating. It is meant to be a huge thing right? I didn't know this information until two days ago.

I have crapped my pants before. But I have never been so nervous or shocked to actually feel like there is a possibility there will be a turd present in my knickers (one of the few pairs I have left).

What the fuck am I meant to do? OK, I may not be graduating. It has not been confirmed. I don't want to confirm it. I like having that power. I like being a uni student. It gives me a reason to not spend my precious money and it gives me a reason to escape certain situations and people ("I've got this HUGE assignment I need to finish").

But if I were to, am I meant to get a mundane, boring, black white and grey office job? No offence to those who do work in offices...but I can't for the moment say anything to comfort you.

My parents don't know, my ex boyfriend (wow that's really strange to say) doesn't really get how big it is. My sisters and brother don't know. Three of my friends know. I don't know if I want to tell the rest of them. I am quite happy wearing the cap and gown for noone to see. I think though if someone does see me in the cap and gown, they will expect big things...or even medium things from me. But I will never be able to fill anyone's expectations. Not in the next three years at least.

What to do? Maybe I should not fill the forms. Maybe I should just drop out so my parents aren't disppointed with the dismal GPA. Maybe I should just roll right onto an upright knife and end this shit once and for all. Or maybe I will fill out the forms. I can take life mintute by minute. Totally disregard my five year plan. Then I could just become one of those full time retail people who don't know when to stop talking in their high pitched, degreading retail voices.

What to do indeed. Right now, getting really drunk is good.

The End

2005-11-11T22:06:00.000+10:00

I did it. It’s over.

I’ve lost underwear, two friends and one lover in one week.

There is a knicker thief in my neighbourhood. I'm missing six pairs.

I broke up with dear D, my boyfriend and best friend of four years, two months and twenty-nine days.

I did not RSVP to J’s party invitation.

I won’t ever have to pretend I’m listening to the woes of J’s life. I don’t have to come visit her little unit with her half dead plants and her crazy housemate who is constantly wearing a jumper no matter what temperature it is.

I am a strong believer in destiny...what's meant to be will be (and all that crap)...I will not say this break up is for good, but I will say that I do not want him now. Not too clear on any other day, but most definately not now.

I am relieved when I think, I won’t ever have to make up excuses just to see him. I won’t have to feel disappointed once I do see him and realise that he doesn’t realise I’m there. I won’t have to be ready to leave at all times…just in case he calls.

I wish I could eradicate his scent from my bed, car, clothes and skin.

I hope someone comes along to steal my heart. I hope they are honest and will keep the promise to look after it. No I don't. I...hope for it eventually.

I’m scared shitless of being alone. Although it is probably the only thing I need right now.

itchy palms?

2005-10-31T17:11:00.000+10:00

I found myself sitting in an empty bathtub this morning. Reading recipe books. Fully clothed. I felt like it. And my bathtub is quite comfortable.

I talked my brother into making five baked potatoes for his lunch. He thoroughly enjoyed them.

They were small potatoes. About the size of my brain today.

oh what a night...

2005-10-29T18:57:00.000+10:00

Late December back in '63
What a very special time for me
What a lady
What a night!

I had a mighty fine time the night of October the 18th. I went with Damo to see the Hives at the Tivoli and I think it was close to being the best fucking time I've ever had. We drank, I sang, I danced, we pigged out on New York pizza, we saw this awesome guy plucked straight from the 80's. He was roller skating down Ann St in the Valley. He wore crazy red and white Where's Wally-ish thigh high socks, gold hot pants, a fabulous bomber jacket and...wait for it...he was carrying a fucking boom box on his shoulder. This thing would have been twice the size of his torso and he had it up on one puny little shoulder.

That's all I have to say about that. Because today is the 29th October.

Melbourne Cup is fast approaching and I am finding myself fighting the temptation to go stand in the sun in silly hats and sip champagne all day. Although I did find a beautiful 'Where on Earth is Carmen SanDiego'- esque hat.

I like to go to the horse races. Not only because I like to dress up, not because I love to get drunk, not because Damo makes an effort to look absolutely smashingly handsome and not because I am almost addicted to gambling...But I absolutely love visiting the stables. Yes, I think I am still that seven year old girl with posters of Mariah Carey, dolphins and New Kids on the Block up on her wall. I love horses. I always will. I wish I could talk to them. I'm serious. I probably never should have said that.

So, I will say this...I also like getting drunk at 10 in the morning.

Also, a big happy birthday to Damo, Ria and Brydie...Oh and Cat - just in case you're out floating in cyber space today.

unexpected

2005-10-15T21:47:00.000+10:00

I was reading through a few of my books this afternoon after work and I came across one of my most precious - a small collection of Man Ray pieces. I am completely mesmerized by these photographs. Each time I see one, even though I have seen it a hundred times, I am so utterly taken by it.

Anyway, this book was given to me as a birthday gift from someone who used to be a good friend...kind of. We met in high school. The first year of school, I was shit scared of her. She was taller than anyone else and always had a frown on her face. She intimidated me more than Lex Luther would...if I ever had the chance of meeting him. After a year of thinking I had the best friends in the world, I was kicked out of the my group for something stupid like refusing to wear a g-string. I was a loner. For maybe six months, I sat in the library during lunch and read Nancy Drew and studied a map of the world from like 1784. One day, J, the scary girl, came and asked me to sit with her and her friends at lunch. I thought from that day on, I will be a good friend to her.

To cut along story short, over a period of 4 years, J became an extremely complicated and selfish person. She took advantage of people who loved her and eventually pushed all her friends away. She needed help that we couldn't give to her as friends, as much as we tried. She insulted and offended us daily. We soon drifted apart. A few years of ups and definate downs passed and for one birthday, I got a package. This book on Man Ray. I have only now just looked on the inside cover.

It reads:

"I'm starting over and I think everyone should have a friend named Tina. Sorry for the hysterics, sorry for taking you for granted. I hope you can think of me as I actually am - and not as I am when things overwhelm me. Love J"

I feel like I hardly knew her apart from that day in the library. I tried to be there for her but eventually couldn't take being a 'vent-friend' much longer. Maybe I was the selfish one, not taking enough time for her. I no longer speak to her. I sometimes feel awful pangs of guilt for not being the friend she thought I was.

I love being young.

2005-10-04T09:41:00.000+10:00

Tina: Do you love me?
T: Of course I do.
Tina: I apologise for spilling your drink.
T: It's ok Tina Tina. You fell off your stool. I think you got the shitty end of the stick there.
Tina: Yeah. My knees are tender.
T: Carpet burn's a bitch.
Tina: Only to me.

I just had the best weekend. From Friday morning to Sunday night, I had 2 hours sleep. I went to the beach twice and drank crazy amounts of bourbon. I love being young.

Thursday just gone, Damo and I decided to take a break from each other. It is a good decision to have made because it just is. I still love him but it has been extremely frustrating lately with the slow deterioration of communication.

So I took this weekend as an opportunity to be independent of him. I experimented and decided to do the things we would usually do, alone. This is how it went...

Friday: Worked 10 - 6pm. Was invited to B's 21st so got a lift with Damo. But spent the night catching up with old school friends while Damo had a lovely time drinking and talking with BC, a mutual friend. Got home at 4am and had to get up at 5am for my day's exercise.

Saturday: Left for the coast with my dad at 7. He had to go on business and I went to shop. It was marvellous. Got home at 4 and had to meet B at Indro station at 6. Got ready and headed out. On zero hours of sleep. From 7.30pm til 12am, I danced and skanked to Reel Big Fish and Goldfinger. After the concert, I met up with a couple of uni friends. We drank and danced and fell off stools, peed in the company of each other, drank, fell down stairs and had breakfast.

On my way to breakfast, I was walking with T. Out of nowhere, he says "I'd tap you". I say "TAP?!? Geez...haven't heard that in...EVER. You're a drunk loser but thanks.". He says "But I'm not going to. Cause I'd rather know you for the rest of my life and do this every Saturday night than be with you for two minutes and think 'That was awesome.'" I said "Is that how long it'd take?". And we continued to walk in silence to the cafe.

Sunday: I couldn't resist a lazy afternoon with Damo so we met up for a hot white chocolate and then went back to his place, spending the rest of the day watching DVDs.

It was a grand weekend and I wouln't have changed it one bit. As selfish as it may sound, I had the best of both worlds in the past three days. I partied hard with someone I am extremely attracted to and I lazed about with someone I love.

turn it off...TURN IT OFF!

2005-09-20T10:48:00.000+10:00

Don't water your dead grass in the middle of the day. You know why it's dead? Cause we're in a fucking drought you dickweed mofo. You can't stand there with a fag in your mouth watering dirt. DIRT! What a fucking stupid thing to do. And don't even think about smiling at me when I walk past your garden scowling. I should pick up that rock and throw it at your fat head. Turn off your fucking hose. And get a fucking job. And for the love of god, put on a damn shirt.

my week in review

2005-09-19T09:32:00.000+10:00

Wasn't feeling like I had much to say lately, not like much has happened. But let me fill you in...

I got a payrise. 48c an hour. It all adds up in the end, right?!

I received an angry letter from telstra demanding money although I have already paid my phone bill in full, thanks to my payrise.

A friend of mine had a party on a Sunday afternoon. She lives in a townhouse on a golf course. I got drunk and ended up cheering all the golfers occassionally yelling out "BUT MR GILMORE - I'M YOUR CADDY!!!" and "JACKASS!". It began to rain so we decided to go out. Bizzare logic right? I broke my shoe, found 50c on the floor, told the bartender he was beautiful and touched his hair and got flustered when a friend thought she saw my uni crush....Ah, the uni crush...will get to that shortly.

Our dear friends B and D left for London. But before they did, we went out to the Orient Hotel for a punk gig. I went home with B early as we had to be at the airport only 5 hours from then. Damo called me about 2 hours after we got home from N's phone saying "Tiiiiinaaaa, I fuukiiiing losssst maaaaaa phoooooonnnne. This shiiit is fuuuuck.". So after a short conversation, B and I decided to go on a final adventure. I had next to no fuel in my car and we wanted to see how far we could get into town before it ran out of petrol...B in a bathrobe and I with no pants. It seemed funny at the time. We got all the way in there, picked up Damo and drove all the way home with no troubles. We got home, had a glass of water, put some clothes on and then left for the airport - stopping once to pee and get petrol. May they have a wonderful trip and come back to me safely with lollies.

I went to Ikea. Damo and I had a million dollar day. This is one of our strange games we play to keep our lives from getting too dull. We pretend we have one to three million dollars - depending if we want to go look at display homes - and we go out, to all the awesome furniture stores and art galleries and "spend" the money to furnish an empty house. Stoopid I know. It amuses my small brain and gets Damo away from the playstation.

Ok...the uni crush...may see him today. Haven't seen him in a while. Could see him tomorrow. I like this guy - love Damien with all my heart. I'm not a whore. It's just after 4 years, a bit of flirting is fun. May leave it for my next post...

Bloggers Block

2005-09-05T10:10:00.000+10:00

Missing class again. Not in the mood to listen. Yes, I am letting my friend down, but I don't really care. He stole my chupa chup over the weekend.

Saturday night - got drunk on Canadian Club with a few friends to farewell Damo's best friends - B and D. They are leaving for London on Sunday. Life will be very boring. Sang and danced in my head. Feeling so lazy. Painted my toenails red. Thought it would make me feel better but it hasn't kicked in yet. I must say though, they look mighty fine.

So this scooter...Damo's dad listens to the radio. He enters a few competitions...but not like those crazy competition people who clip magazines and spend $50 on postage stamps every week. Last week, he won a box of CDs from triple m. Not just any box - this box was three times the size of my head. Later last week, he got another call from triple m saying he's a finalist in a competition - first prize a scooter, second prize, a recordable dvd player. Needless to say, he won the scooter. Hurah for me. He has no use for it you see, he is in a wheelchair. It gets delivered on thursday. I'm so excited. It's silver. I will post pictures up once I have it.

I don't even know why I posted today - it is just me procrastinating again. I confess, I am a boring person. I don't have anything to write about - I go about my life seeing, reading and hearing great things that I could post about but when it comes down to it, I simply forget what they were. I need a little notepad. With a mini pencil.

check it...

2005-09-02T19:40:00.000+10:00

Hey all...in a little rush, but wanted to quickly show you all my new ride. Nice, right? Yeah. Thought so. Will tell the story of how this came about soon - just so you all know, I have wanted one of these babies since I was 15. Any suggestions for names?

procrastinating...

2005-08-22T10:06:00.000+10:00

I am the biggest procrastinator. We are all in the 5th week of uni and I am yet to attend a class. I have managed, however, to get a group for an assignment. I have done all the work required in preparation for the mid semesters...without attending a single lecture or tutorial. Don't ask me what the fuck is going on becuase I don't know - and I am not going to complain. I am sitting at uni right now. Missing a tute. I can see the room it is in. I can see my friend's head. He can't see me becuase he is concentrating too hard. I am playing online chess. Sucker.

Wednesday is a changing day. I will go to class. Both the lecture and the tute. And I will pay $103.95 for a text book. But for now, I am quite happy sitting here, pretending to be typing an important document.

Last Tuesday, as some of you may know, was Damo and I's 4 year anniversary. Though it would be a lovely day, I did. We were planning to go to the beach. Have a lovely sushi lunch and then go out as we had bought tickets to see The Specials and The Beat in a ska extravaganza show "The Specials Beat". Instead, we fought and fought and fought about all the stupid shit people fight about. Things like...you know, I don't even know anymore. It was probably just the depression coming out of me again. Nothing Damo was saying could calm me down - not like he was trying to calm me down, but everything he said just made me want to scream louder, cry harder and hit faster. We went to the beach - it was crap and windy. We had lunch - but I took a visit to the bathroom before we ate and there was someone doing the most violent turd in the cubicle next to me it put me off my food.

It was so bizzare because when it got to about 8pm, everything stopped. We both just said "The show's about to start. Let's get ready". So we did. And we went. And I had the best fucking time I could have had considering what the day was like. We danced and danced and danced. Then when the show was finished, Damo, B, N and I went to the Depot to see all my friends as it was 80's night. I danced some more, took my shoes off becuase they were sore, stood on glass and didn't care. N found $50 on the steps outside and bought us all drinks. We got a cab home at about 4am and hurrah! we got a business class cab. ahh... I love it when shit days turn into great nights.

fire drill

2005-08-16T11:46:00.000+10:00

Haha. Just had a fire drill and some dick screamed. Reminded me of the time my brother and I were in Woolies and the power went out. A lady screamed in horror and Lenny said "She must have been looking at knives".

we've only just begun...

2005-08-16T09:29:00.000+10:00

Today is our 4 year anniversary. So I thought I might celebrate by telling you our story...it would also help me decide on what the fuck this relationship is all about becuase I am extremely confused at the moment as to what I want and what other people want for us.

I have known Damo since I was 6. I don't really remember much of him except when my mum gave birth to my little sister O, Damo and a few of his friends said that my mum would stop loving me. Arseholes. It just so happened that a couple of weeks later, my mum only packed me a banana for lunch. Not just any banana, a lady finger. So yes, my mum's love levels for me were on the slow decent. Not to worry though - My teacher - Mrs. R gave me $2 for lunch (yes, that would buy me a pie, a strawberry milk, a bunch of apricot balls and a frozen orange slice).

I did not hear much else from Damo until grade 3, when he threatened to stab a teacher with a freshly sharpened pencil. She cried and he got sent to the principal's office. In grade 4, I got my 1st boyfriend - Colin. He asked me out on school camp. I said yes and we kissed near the drink tap. Three weeks later, we broke up, split the assets and he went on with his little life. But I was heartbroken and wanted him to be jealous. Damo asked me out. That day, there was a BIG storm and a lightning bolt struck a big old tree near the play gym. Damo did not comfort me in any way so I dumped his arse there and then.

Damo and I became trmendous friends in grade 7. We were both high achievers and attentive students. So we were seated together at the back of the class near the computer (easy access to "Where on earth is Carmen SanDiego?" cause we finished work early). I told him everything and he told me everything. He was my best friend in class...until one day, he dobbed Jess S and I in for writing notes in class. These notes were about other people in class - yes, I was a bitchy little fuck. We had to read them out loud to the pricipal. It was highly embarrassing but becuase Jess and I were the top students, we were let off with a warning. That was the day my friendship ended with Damo.

A few years on... about 4 and a half years to be exact...my brother started to come home saying "Damo says Hi", "Damo wants to know if you're doing anything this weekend", "Damo wants your number but I won't give it to him if you don't him to have it". Who the fuck is Damo?!?!?! Turns out, we had been getting the same time train but on a different platform on the same station everyday for the past year and he had seen me.

A few weeks went by and one morning, Craig, a good friend of mine all the way back from Kindy hit the crap out of my arm. So that afternoon, I planned to kick him hard...squre in the arsehole. The afternoon came and I kicked Craig, narrowly missing his arsehole, getting the middle of his right cheek. Craig yells out "YOU FUCKING BITCH FACE! I'M TELLING YOUR MUM!" Then this guy goes "Hey! Tina - Can I ask you a favour?" I'm thingking, "Who is this guy? He's kinda cute." I say "Yeah?" Then he proceeds to talk and talk and talk and then finally asks me to his formal. I'm thinking "Oh this poor guy has no one else to take so I'll go with him" and I say "Yeah. Sure. Call me later." It finally hits me, half way through the bus ride home that this guy is Damien. Damo R from school! The boy who put roaches down the back of my dress...The one who teased me about my sock tan and the one who got suspended for selling soft porn to the other kids! Wow. He's grown up.

the weekend that was...

2005-08-04T10:19:00.001+10:00

Successful! My plan worked! Thanks to Jerkface for being the biggest help in this operation. Rinna's birthday weekend went off without a hitch and was by far one of the most exciting weekends of my life.

It began about a month ago when Damo and I were in front of the computer wondering how much a trip to sydney would be...logon to Virginblue and Hurrah! We can get the catch of the day deals! Spur of the moment purchase...it has begun. I immediately thought - oh shit. what if she already has plans and me and Damo coming down would just not fit? So I contact Jerkface and he was the biggest help since - coming up with awesome-o ideas and helping us keep the truth from Rinna.

So the weekend comes and Jerkface is so kind as to pick us up from the airport, take us to get some food and smokes, and drop us off in a lovely little park to wait while he distracts Rinna.
So Damo and I are in the park. Waiting. Pacing. Waiting. I am desperately needing to piss I am so nervous. I paced up and down the side fence 24 times before I got a prank call from Jerkface letting us know that we should make our way to Rinna's unit. Got there, blew up 40 or so balloons, and watched a documentary on the Odometer while we waited.

Got buzzed by Jerkface letting us know we need to "assume positions". Rinna walks in backwards with her hands over her face and I just get so nervous I almost shit myself. She opens her eyes and run-jump-hugs me which almost bowls me over, but I am quick to realise she is super light and I think to myself "I'm strong...". Anyway, the rest wirtes itself. I had a ball, Rinna had a ball and that's all that matters.

little one...

2005-07-27T09:32:00.000+10:00

This is a special little post for my best friend as it is her 21st birthday today! Last birthday I spent with her was her 16th. We feasted on KFC. Soon after, she sort of disappeared from our lives but never from mine. I am still learning things about her and she knows almost everything about me...even the fact that I actually feared for her life when she was stung by a bee. I have such admiration for this woman - who has definately conquered everything she's come to and seen. She is wise beyond her years and has never failed in giving me useful advice. Happy birthday Rino. I love you and miss you lots. I hope you have a wonderful day and an awesome weekend. I'd give some fat off my arse to hang out with you friday night. Will try very hard to come down soon - Damo and I send a big ol' hug. You're the best. Love Tino.

there was this painting

2005-07-18T06:08:00.000+10:00

At the wedding reception, there were all these paintings of people sitting outside having coffee - maybe 7 in total hanging up. There was this one that sort of stood out and was the topic conversation through the whole night - well, at the kids' table anyway. I wish I had taken a picture of it because it told so many stories and you ended up feeling bad or angry at the characters in the painting. Generally, it was of two women sitting at a table outside, backs facing to us, their faces towards a forest. The thing was, in between the well dressed women sitting down and the forest, stood another woman. She was dressed in a grey tracksuit and looked quite disheveled and was looking straight towards the women sitting having a drink. Many explainations rose in the defense of this strange, unkept woman in the grey tracksuit.

V (sister) says - The woman in the grey has just found out her husband is cheating on her with one of these women and is about to confront them with the news of infidelity.

C (V's boyfriend) says - Perhaps she is merely jogging by and stops to ponder whether or not she wants a coffee too...

O (sister) says - The women sitting down are meant to be the woman in grey's best friends. While on her morning walk, she sees that her best friends are having coffee without her and stops for a mini teary before confronting them about their lack of invitation.

L (brother) and Damo say - These two joined forces and came up with the most malicious explaination. NB The lady in grey's arm and hand was hidden behind a coffee cup. They say that this lady has been on a rampage - resting each night in a nearby reserve. She is a mad gunman - ready to kill because she was betrayed by her family - having been sent to her slow and painful death in a home. She's mad at the world and is tracking down all involved with the shipping her off to a retirement home...for the ultimate ending.

I say - She got lost along the way of her morning jog - she is getting older afterall. And has emerged from the bush - Mr Burns "I Bring You LOVE" style - These women are the first she sees for weeks maybe and is amazed at her own survival skills.
Either that or she isn't allowed into the country club to dine with her "friends" because of her extreme casual wear - and is looking on from the outskirts of the club grounds in envy.

Anyway, I'm trying to sign on for classes for uni, but the fucking website is down which is complete shit. I got up extra early in the freezing cold for no fucking reason.

that dreaded wedding

2005-07-17T22:04:00.000+10:00

Damien's head was once drenched in citronella oil.

My uncle's wedding started at 11:05am on a sunny Saturday morning. Bizzare time, I know. The botanical gardens at Mt Coot tha are lovely, however extremely boring unless you have the brain of a three year old or a really enthusiastic botanist. So we (boyfriend Damo, brother and little sister in tow) waited near a comically spikey tree, which originated in either Argentina or Peru for other guests to arrive.

An aunt I have not spoken to since I was seven turns up, looking gaunt as shit with her three children, of which two I never knew existed. They were loud, obnoxious, rude and dressed in terrible dresses - talking through the whole ceremony. My parents later forced me to say hello. I didn't, my excuse being I can't walk anywhere because the ground was damp and I was wearing 4 inch heels.

My Uncle J, who was getting married looked wonderful, although older than I remember (he's been living in Japan for the past 7 years - recently bought a farm in Nth Queensland) and his new wife looked stunning, having dressed herself, done her own hair and make up and only flown from Japan three days prior. I love this woman like a sister and I am extremely pleased she is now officially my Aunt R.

My Uncle D was there, drunk already. He spent the whole morning telling jokes. And complaining about my complaining. And touching peculiar leaves. Peculiar.

My Aunt T came in a really ugly dress. Her son played on his gameboy the whole time. She re-dressed my poor mother before arriving, who had spent $280 on a new dress, shoes and a bag only to have these sit on the end of a bed back home. My mum looked sad and uncomfortable. And often voiced loudly how much she hated what she was wearing and couldn't wait to get home to "take these stupid things off".

Ceremony was short. Took many photos. Ate some cake. Got stuck in grass. Almost tripped over a little kid who thought the wedding was there for his entertainment. Went to lunch on Park Rd with sisters, brother, boyfriend and sister's boyfriend. Went home. Slept for 4 hours. Got ready for the party. Left for the Sofitel for the party.

My mother made me say hello to all the relatives I actually really hate. How convenient that they were all seated at the same table. She was walking behind me with her purse firmly placed on my back...as if she had concealed a gun in there. So I say hello. They smile but don't say anything. Fucking rude bastards. Although, this reminded me of why I hated them so much. For no good reason, they shut us out of their lives. Big loss - a couple of ladies who care more about getting a free feed than their own pets and an odd eastern european man (who I so fondly called Uncle S for 7 years) who likes to pat waiters on the arse.

Buffet was great. I love buffets. Love them. Best concept - all you can eat. There's no fucking limit! It's fucking fantastic! And there was a giant chocolate fondue. Which Damien insisted on calling a FUNdoo! all night.

So in conclusion, I am happy for my Uncle J and newly Aunt R, I hate the petty people of the world and I love Buffets.

lonely and...

2005-07-11T14:36:00.000+10:00

without a car. On Easter morning, I was on my way to meet my family for mass. I was driving behind an old lady...a very stupid old lady. We were entering the car park when suddenly, she decides the car park is actually full and reverses her car right into the nose of mine (insert my most favourite sound in the world *crash*).

"Oh dear!" she says as she climbs out of her car.
"Oh for fuck's sake" I say as I climb out of my car. I continue "Did you not see me?".
She says "Well, yes...Happy Easter." while assessing my car.
"OK...maybe we should quickly exchange details so we are not late for the Easter service." I say.
She says "Oh well, yes alright. You're not going to make me pay for all the damage are you? You were driving behind me."
"Well, I don't see how any of this is my fault. You reversed without looking back. It is 9am. The sun is out and there is no reason for you not to have seen me there."
"Um, I will give you my details...but don't contact me for a couple of weeks - I will be visiting family. Please don't charge me. It's Easter."
"Look, I will get the car professionally assessed and I will let you know. Good day."

So a couple of weeks pass and I write to her saying the cost of the damage is $604 in total and that she will be hearing from my insurance company in the near future - this is just a notification that yes, there is damage, and yes, I am charging you. Stupid git.

Long story short - her insurance company will not payout anything more than $92.65 and that to me sounds like bullshit. Their reasoning being that extra $500 damage caused was from a previous accident. I know that is bullshit. Yes, I admit I have had a previous accident. But I did not pay $1800 to get my car fixed by some dodgy guy named Rico behind some railway station. Very. Pissed. Right. Now.

So, here I am, at home, without a car. Feeling very lonely and lazy. I desperately need a Coke, but am too fucked from lack of sleep to walk to the store to get some. I currently have a massive urge to bake - and again, am too arsed to get up and do it. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not ususally an angry person. But, I am entitled to a rant every now and again. I apologise and I assure you, after this weekend, I will be as pleasant as pie.

brain is dead

2005-07-09T20:24:00.000+10:00

My mind has been in a state of suspension recently. I cannot pull a full complete thought out of my poor little brain. This could be because I am in a finacial pickle, or because I am bored with what I am doing; or simply, because I have been overloading my body with alcohol and nicotine. I can sit in the one spot and watch people walk by without a thought in my head. I cannot sleep because I lie there without a thought in my head. I cannot have a decent conversation becuase I sit there with my mouth open and my eyes glazed...without a thought in my head. I feel sorry for the poeple who have to deal with me everyday because for the past couple of weeks, I have been non responsive, lazy and (to the other end of the scale) aggressive.

Any suggestions to jump start my brain??

not in a good mood

2005-07-07T22:48:00.000+10:00

I'm sure we've all heard that there have been several explosions in London. Let's keep all involved in mind. I'm actually rather pissed at the media for pushing certain victims to recall the events literally minutes after walking out of The Tube. These people are obviously in shock, bleeding in front of the stupid gits and would probably want to contact their families, rather than being pushed to answer questions that may be quite difficult for them to answer given the current situation. I'm sorry, but things of this nature really give me the shits.

I must apologise - I'm not in a happy mood at all. A friend of mine has spent the whole of today bitching to me about all the negative things in her life. Things such as having to pay rent, that girl's haircut, her housemate's girlfriend, her sister, my other friends, my boyfriend, the way her entertainment unit is built, the cost of a coffee. Get the fuck over it. I'm getting a little too old to listen to her bitch over petty shit and not see the wrong in what she says behind people's backs. Grow up - we are not 13 anymore and I see no reason why I should support you in your path of mental destruction on others. Please, someone tell me this ain't cool...

My uncle's wedding is getting closer. Not wanting to go - but I did buy my first pair of discount shoes for the occassion. And my beautiful mum has offered to pay for me to get a haircut...And I've been put in charge of arranging flowers. This excites me a little. Damo says he won't dance with me because he can't. I believe him, but it would be nice if he asked...hint hint...I'll be waiting.

I got results back from the semester exams just gone. Failed Accounting once again - not because I find it difficult - but because I see no purpose in it. I did well in my other classes...which only means I'm getting closer to graduating. Which means I have to grow up myself. Shit.

going broke has come to a stop

2005-07-03T22:12:00.000+10:00

I finally got a job that I know I will thoroughly enjoy. Selling expensive shoes. Yes, I know there is a chance that I will be dealing with smelly feet, old rich ladies who think I love kneeling down before them...but anyone who knows me, knows that I have the highest respect for a well made shoe. I am a self confessed shoe, handbag and belt freak, among many other things. Anyway, I'm super excited because I will be starting in a brand new store - with a brand new team of people. I will not be treading on anyone's territory and I won't have to suss out who likes who and who hates who. The store opens on the 29th of this month - so be excited for me because I have until now, been unemployed since February, main reason being, I had a birthday. Assholes.

I have a family wedding to attend in two weeks. This will be the first time my extended family - on my dad's side would have met my boyfriend of four years - Damo. I am feeling a little apprehensive because they are all jerks who don't deserve anything more than the bare essentials. My dad's family (with the exception of maybe two of them) are the most rude, selfish and deceiving people one will ever meet. I have not made this a mystery to anyone. My grandmother passed away when I was seven, and ever since then, there has been bitching, stealing and certainly a shitload of backstabbing in my family. My parents - I am biased I know, but - are generous, honest people who will give up anything for someone else to have a better life. I wonder sometimes what the fuck happened - my dad and my uncle Joseph are genuine, kind-hearted people and the rest of them are complete dicks who have no sense of respect, self discipline or gratitude.

Back to the wedding...my mother has kindly requested that my sister and I be civil for one whole day. Don't know if that will happen. I mean, unless I constantly have a drink in my hand, a full plate in front of me or if Damo finally after 4 years asks me to dance, I will not smile politely. Seeing my parents are paying for the wedding and the reception, I will make it known that this is the last time they will mooch. The last time, I tell you...Mooch No More.

Bottom line is...I really dislike them, I don't want to expose Damo to the fakeness that is my aunts and uncles, I am going to get trashed at this wedding and please screw me up the arse with a fluro light if I intiate any conversation. Ugh...glad to get that out. Will update on the wedding, but this is the first and will be the last time I bitch about these people. I will not waste my time or stress my finger muscles typing about it. Sorry, it was really shitting me.

I am currently thinking of taking a few cooking courses. Did one in Bangkok earlier this year - had the time of my life but can't remember how to cook shit. Almost finished a business degree but have no idea how I'm going to get from a kid who knows how to write an assignment to a chef with my own restaurant - with a lot of travel and baby-making-practice in between. I feel like I'm floating aimlessly. Like I'm in the middle of a 'Life-Fart'.

let me explain

2005-07-01T16:47:00.000+10:00

So maybe, someone has questioned the title of this blog...no? Let me tell you anyway. In high school, a very dear friend of mine, Rinna and I had a very boring class called Multi-Strand Science. Now on days were we weren't required to inspect our hairs (snot and dead skin was optional) under a microscope, or change spark plugs in a car, or make rose petal soap, we would fill the hour with something we came across accidentally. Something we later named "One Word Letters". Unfortunately, these letters went to someone who used to be a good friend, whom we later found out was completely selfish in all that she ever did.

I am not sure how we started this thing, but it has always been the one thing that we had - and noone else dared to imitate it. The deal was, we decided who the letter would address, then one of us would begin by writing one word. The next person would add a word and the first person would add another, and so on, and so on. The topic was never discussed. So an example sentence would be something like..."Dear Spaceman, This juice poo wants pants for general burning. Lots of blinking, R & T". It may not seem as funny now...well, no. It actually doesn't seem funny now at all. But the point is, it amused me for so long - even after Rinna left me to rot in high school. I missed her so much - I tried to replicate these one word letters alone. Yeah - I'm an idiot. But I really didn't want anyone else doing it with me. Maybe one day, I'll get a hold of one and post it. But I highly doubt it.

Now for something even less relevant, Damo and I are steadily approaching our fourth anniversary...not sure what to do or what to get him. Will tell you all about him soon enough...once I figure out what's so interesting about him. Traditionally, one gives another Fruit or Flowers for the 4th anniversary. Hmmm...not sure how a floral arrangement/fruit basket will go down with this fellow.

Feeling fuzzy and cold...Tina